(version reviewed: paperback, bought at a zombie festival some time ago for about £5)

For video review, click here

MILK tells the tale of Lou, a man past his prime who survives the apocalypse by running a barter store in a kind of Western-meets League of Gentleman backwater town.

One day after what can only be described as a cream dream from hell, Lou finds himself able to lactate. And not that crummy breast milk that you try as an adult and get weirded out by. This is primo-grade luxury Jersey gold top type stuff, and one by one the townspeople become obsessed with his milky offerings. That is, until it turns them into slavering, flesh-hungry mutants. Then it’s up to Lou and a smattering of lactose-intolerant townsfolk to defeat the monsters.

This book was sold to me almost immediately after the author told me it bore similarities to Street Trash. I LOVE Street Trash. The store owner holding up a bottle of Viper is my desktop background. Melt movies are my absolute favourite (woefully under-represented) sub-genre of horror, so much so that I wrote a book called MELT jumilkst so there was another melt story out there.

Based on the comparison, I went in expecting gross-out horror mixed with silly comedy, and I was not disappointed.

Suffice to say, if you like your novels subtle and full of nuance, this isn’t going to be your kind of thing. The jokes fly thick and fast, in the Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams style of Very British Comedy. Sarcasm and slapstick run riot like old school Reeves & Mortimer or Monty Python.

Then there’s the gore. Other than the gross-out aspect of man-milk spewing all over the place, Millard packs the book full of mutant killing goodness. Limbs fly, things are cut in half, spew is spewed, and nobody is spared some kind of injury or indignity, not even the hapless group of survivors Lou is guilt-tripped into helping.

If you’re in the mood for a book so dripping with weirdness that you’ll want to wipe it with a dry cloth afterwards, look no further. Well, look a little further, because there are some links to buy a copy for yourself below.

Amazon UK
Amazon US
Waterstones